It’s that time of year again, Pumpkin Spice this, Pumpkin Spice that….When did this obsession begin? And where will it end? The difference between this recipe and most ‘pumpkin’ recipes is this: My pumpkin loaf actually contains real pumpkin, unlike many ‘pumpkin spice’ products. In addition, this recipe is one of the only pumpkin and spice products actually worth eating. Why did I decide to fall prey to promoting a stereotypical seasonal food, you may ask? Well, I’ll tell you. (A) As we all know, bread is simply a carrying device for spreads. (B) I wanted to make something pumpkin flavored to go with a good cinnamon sugar spread that was lonely in the fridge. (C) There was an old pie pumpkin cluttering up the counter-top. Those are my reasons folks, and I’m sticking with ’em. Because I love you, and because I love ranting about seasonal stereotypes…..In honor of Autumn, I give you, my personal top ten list of absurd ‘pumpkin spice’ products. 

1. Pumpkin Spice Kitty Litter

Why!??!?! How?!?!? When!??!?! This one really takes the cake for the WIE (worst idea ever). Come on people, you do know that ‘scented’ litter is not going to smell like pumpkin spice after your cat uses it…..

2. Pumpkin Spice M&M’s

No! No! It can’t be true but it is! Oh eyes, thou hast not deceived me! The human race hast ruint the most perfect candy on earth!

3. Pumpkin Spice Sparkling Water

What does this even mean? How is it possible to make WATER taste like pumpkin spice? I cry foul….

4. Pumpkin Spice Doritos

Way to ruin a perfect snack food. Tortilla chips go with CHEESE! NOT pumpkin spice!

5. Pumpkin Spice Peanut Butter

No. I repeat. No. You world have gone too far. Not everything was meant to be a mash-up!

6. Pumpkin Spice Cinnamon Rolls (the canned kind)

Ohhhhh….will it never end! Now cinnamon rolls have fallen!

7. Pumpkin Spice Oreos

Okay, it is officially time to admit that Oreo flavors have gotten out of control. Please.

8. Pumpkin Spice Jello

Why. Does. This. Exist.

9. Pumpkin Spice Dryer Sheets

I ain’t got time for that!

10. Pumpkin Spice Listerine

How does one make mouthwash taste like pumpkin spice? Why does it have to? It’s only in your mouth for a few seconds!

This list will stand the test of time as proof that the season called Autumn seems to bring out some kind of inner lunacy in the human race.

Now, to make up for all this weirdness, I will share with you how to make a real pumpkin recipe that does double duty as a bread and a dessert.

Pumpkin Loaf: 1 cup unbleached all-purpose flour, 1 cup white whole wheat flour, 1 cup pumpkin puree (NOT pumpkin pie filling), 1 cup granulated sugar, 1/2 cup dark brown sugar, 1/2 cup vegetable oil, 1/3 cup water, 2 eggs, 1 tsp. baking soda, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1-2 tsp. molasses, 1 tsp. salt, 1 tbsp. cinnamon, 1/2 tsp. nutmeg, 1/4 tsp. ground ginger (optional), 1/8 tsp. cloves.

Grease a regular size loaf pan with butter. Preheat your oven to 365 degrees. Whisk together the flours, sugars, baking soda, baking powder, and spices in a medium mixing bowl until thoroughly combined. In a separate, small mixing bowl, using a hand mixer; beat together the eggs, water, oil, and pumpkin puree until well combined. Push the dry ingredients up the sides of the bowl to create a hole in the center. Pour in the wet ingredients. Fold together gently with a rubber spatula until just combined. Pour the batter into the greased loaf pan and bake for 25-30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. You can also use a skewer, I always do;) Allow to cool for about ten minutes before eating.;)

While you’re waiting on the bread to cool……make this!

Cinnamon Sugar Spread: 4 oz. room temperature creamcheese, 4 tbsp. softened butter, 3/4 cup granulated sugar or 1/3 cup powdered sugar, 1 to 1 1/2 tsp. cinnamon.

Beat together the creamcheese and butter with your hand mixer until smooth, add the remaining ingredients and mix on low speed at first, slowly increasing the speed until the mixture has a whipped consistency. Serve immediately or chill for an hour before serving. This spread will last in the fridge for up to a month.

Finally, slice the cooled bread and spread it liberally….oh, who am I kidding….GENEROUSLY with the aforementioned spread of goodness.

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FYI this bread was only smothered for humorous purposes, not for consumption (at least, that’s what I’m going with….)

 

 

 

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