I do not usually write personal posts on this blog, but this time, I have decided to make an exception. This story is not pleasant and may be unsettling to some, so if you are squeamish, LEAVE! Before its too late! Hahahahahaha…… Anyway, sit yourself down for story time kids, because its about to get real. I give you, That Blasted Cabbage, Part 1.

Picture it, a certain female innocently removes a Miracle Blade from the drawer of doom (the drawer of super-sharp knives), and proceeds to set it down on a certain wooden cutting board upon which sits a cabbage. She turns away to attend to some other task that can no longer be recalled, and returns to find the knife stuck deep into the heart of the cabbage. Now, prepare yourselves. She attempts to pull out the blade……and…..BANG! Blood everywhere. Pouring into the sink, puddling the floor, dripping down my legs….People, it was not pretty. Okay, maybe there wasn’t that much blood, but there was a lot, and it was in all of the aforementioned locations. Here’s where the story gets more complicated. My parents rushed me to the nearest medical center, which in a country girl’s case is Urgent Care. It was there that the very nice doctor and nurse(s) informed me that they could not preform a few simple stitches because they were afraid I had damaged one or more of the tendons in my thumb. They referred me to the emergency room, where I spent the next four miserable hours waiting on the doctor who came back and forth sporadically. I’m telling you, those under-the-tongue thermometers freak me out, do you know how many germs are on those babies? Said doctor eventually came up with the brilliant diagnosis that he could not do anything either because I needed to see an hand specialist. Come on people! However, he did put in four stitches, pictured below.

Warning: The following photos are not for the faint of heart, turn back if you don’t like gore.

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All of this occured on August the first, so next time on Storytime: The Woes of Kitchen Knives, I’ll tell you what happened on August the third.